Desirous vs Desireless

Why were we never taught how to live?

Life is a journey to experience.

If we were taught to live in the same way, then what would be the difference between us and an AI? We learn to become somebody in our own way, and that’s exactly what makes life interesting.

We were not “taught” how to be anybody apart from who others “expected” us to be. Our parents expected us to be lawyers, doctors, or engineers, yet not everyone has become who they wanted us to be.

It is the same idea that “if you want to be loved, you’ve got to love yourself first.” If you want your children to become someone, be that person yourself; otherwise, stop expecting them to be.

Even if you’ve become who you wanted to be, don’t “expect” your children to follow your footsteps because they are individuals of their own.

One can’t be taught; one can only learn by oneself. Of course, we should let our children receive an academic education; the rest we show them by example. We can’t expect them to be kind when we are unkind to others and ourselves.

As adults, they no longer want to be taught, especially in this information-overloaded era. The younger generations might know more than the older ones.

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The world has become so divided because of the individual-capitalist mindset. Everyone is calculating the benefits of everything:

How much will this job pay me, instead of how much satisfaction I will get from pursuing this career?

What will I gain from getting into a relationship with this person compared to others, instead of whether I love them?

What connections can I get and who will I meet, instead of how I can contribute or be of service to others?

We no longer live in an era of being content with the little things. We want a big life, a big house, a big car; more power, luxury, control; lots of attention, material things, and “likes”. From one desire to the next, it soon becomes greed — the never-ending chase for more and more, yet forever unable to fill the void.

There is nothing wrong with having desires; even wanting a peaceful life is a desire. Being desireless doesn’t mean we want nothing at all, but rather that there is no greed involved. It means we are content with what we have and are not constantly desiring more.

I was once asked, how do we measure moral values, and who sets the standard?

My reply was: we set the standard, as long as we don’t do anything that goes against our conscience and/or harms others. People who have a clear conscience most likely have peace of mind.

Having peace of mind doesn’t mean we are in a good environment or living among good people. The environment might be chaotic and the people around us might be toxic. What gives us peace was never anything external; it was always from within.

Most people get affected because we care too much about what others think and say. We often forget that we cannot control how or what people think and say about us.

Some people like to “talk” without having any social responsibility, which is similar to those keyboard warriors. They use moral kidnapping, emotional blackmail, and guilt-tripping to manipulate others, especially those who are more sensitive. The difference is that they do it in real life instead of hiding behind a screen and cyberbullying anonymously.

How do we know someone is being manipulative?

Some common examples:

“You are so well off. Why don’t you take care of your siblings?”

“You can afford it. Why don’t you help a friend out?”

“You have a spare room. Why don’t you accommodate your cousin?”

Some people are merely third parties, yet they act like moral police. In such cases, silence with a smile is the best response. We are neither obligated to answer their questions nor to take on any responsibilities they impose on us. It is unnecessary to stay in contact with or deal with this type of person.

No one can control us if we don’t get in their game

Hope you have a fantastic weekend ahead with what you have!🙏😊🌻