Green flags

Can you recognise them?

We often hear about red flags, but have you ever heard about green flags?

I recently learned about this term, and it suddenly made so much sense to me.

Why do so many people end up in relationships that don’t work out, don’t last, or simply aren’t suitable? Because we often go in with the wrong approach.

Many of us enter relationships focused on avoiding the red flags. Yet, just because someone doesn’t have any red flags doesn’t mean they’re the right person for us—or suitable for marriage.

On the other hand, those who enjoy healthy relationships, strong partnerships, or fulfilling marriages usually have a clear idea of the qualities they’re looking for. That’s what we call the green flags.

What we focus on becomes our reality

Of course, there are many reasons why we approach relationships the way we do.

Commonly, we were never taught or shown what a healthy relationship looks like. We learned behaviours from our closest family members, subconsciously absorbing and adopting them without reflecting on whether they were good or bad.

Traditionally, we focus on cultivating good qualities in ourselves to prepare for partnership or marriage. However, we often overlook the importance of assessing the qualities of our potential partner.

In many cultures, people were encouraged to marry at a young age, and some marriages were even arranged by families. When parents failed to conduct proper character or background checks, their children often ended up in difficult situations after marriage.

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Let’s start focusing on the green flags, shall we?

Through my experiences, I’ve come to believe that the most important quality in a potential partner is how safe they make me feel. There’s an instant sense of trust, a feeling of being respected and accepted. With them, I can be completely honest and open, knowing with absolute certainty that I won’t be judged. Feeling comfortable with someone isn’t difficult, but truly feeling safe is something entirely different.

I’ve emphasized time and again that communication is the key to any healthy relationship, especially with a potential partner or spouse. I believe that communicating truthfully from both sides right from the beginning makes a relationship much easier to build and maintain. Moreover, observing whether someone can respectfully agree to disagree with others’ perspectives reveals a lot about how they might handle conflicts with you in the future.

Taking accountability for one’s words is one of the crucial points to note. Doing what they’ve agreed to shows they keep their promises. Admitting mistakes, offering a sincere apology, and making real efforts to change are also strong green flags.

Having empathy for someone’s pain and sorrow is something that can’t be faked. I believe no one can ever truly understand what’s going on inside another person, even if they’ve been through a similar situation. When someone truly cares about us, they show empathy and offer genuine support in ways that make us feel heard and seen.

Being aware of how we feel, and reflecting on how we react or respond, helps us better understand the dynamics of a relationship. We must heal our own destructive patterns of thought and behaviour so that we don’t project them onto others.

A growth mindset is something we aim to cultivate; therefore, someone who continually strives to become a better version of themselves will naturally align with us.

One quality we often overlook is whether they see us as equals. In a healthy relationship, neither partner puts the other on a pedestal or seeks to dominate them.

Never be afraid to set healthy boundaries. A person who truly cares about and respects your boundaries will also have their own.

Both partners need to have the desire to work as a team rather than compete against each other. True teamwork requires both parties to communicate, discuss, and create a plan that works collaboratively instead of individually.

There are other fundamental qualities we need to look for in a person as well, such as honesty, trustworthiness, humility, respectfulness, love, care, emotional maturity, and stability.

Essentially, someone who values what you value and genuinely wants the relationship to succeed will not hesitate to put in the effort. The only way to truly know whether they are suitable is through interaction and observation. Most importantly, allow time to get to know each other and don’t rush the process.

One thing is certain: if you ever find yourself doubting whether this person is right for you, they probably aren’t. When someone is truly right, you feel a firm and unshakable belief that they are the one, because there’s a sense of stability and security within yourself. You trust that they will always be there, no matter the distance between you, as long as the connection is nurtured with consistent contact.

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Let me end this post with IL DIVO - Adagio (In music, the term adagio means played slowly - Italian)

Hope you have a wonderful relationship with weekend slowly. 💕✨🙏😊